Immeasurably More

Goodness, it’s Friday and this week has been a bit off for me. With illness all around me, it’s no wonder I caught a cold and strep this week that put me down. Thank God it’s Friday! I have been struggling to get well, alongside my son. Healing is happening!

Doubt and fear have been my struggle lately, having anxious thoughts of the future. I’ve relied on my husband to keep things together from a financial perspective that when I think of myself apart from that, it brings anxiety. The how, what, when fill my mind. I know this is real for a lot of people, and especially me today. Reading scripture that tells me, “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Man, I tear up just thinking about that. WOW! Nothing, means nothing and the Word expounds on it, just to make it ever more clear. Romans 8:38-39. I am reminded of when I was little, I’d catch glimpses of His love when I wasn’t stuck in my emotions. I didn’t know better than, but I do now! Remembering how He has always kept me in my pain, hardships, wondering, and lack of direction. He never left me. The reason, I know is because, I’ve always had visions in my mind. Stories played out for me that I knew I didn’t conjure up. He showed me my mother’s pain through rejection, to help her and warn me. It’s like God telling me, “this is an area you need to pay attention to.” I didn’t and rejection has influenced my life. Since learning about blessings and curses, I come against the spirit of rejection. I will prosper in truth and spirit of God’s Word and all He has for me, because nothing can separate me from His love.

Today, I’m dealing with my marriage and feelings of rejection all over again. But this is a lie, my husband has not rejected me, he’s gone back in history. To a time he felt appreciated, held up high in the worlds eyes and He is hooked on a feeling. Manifested in his love of material things, how he appears and how is perceived. He will deny it, but I see very clearly that the enemy has come against us and using my husband like a puppet. It makes me sad to see that we’ve grown so far apart. I am trying to live in truth and he is looking to the world. I don’t see a way for us and the thoughts I wrestle with are of running. But I’ve always done that…run. And I don’t want to run anymore. I am here to stay and put in the work. Whatever the outcome, I’ll know I’ve endured and fought the good fight of faith.

Honestly, it’s difficult to keep hope alive when I am not heard. I conjure up all kinds of thoughts, that I will not write, but that I know are not from God. He has given me enough wisdom to understand that part, so He tells me to fight on my knees, to speak life and in James 1:2-4 it is written, My brethren, count if all joy when you fall into divers temptatations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting in nothing. EW WEE! Jesus! Dang, the Lord is good to me. My faith is working patience in me so I can be complete and wanting nothing this world can give. Only God can do that! Allow me to press into Him when I am tempted to run. I am blessed! He is working it out in me. I don’t know what God has planned for me, only that I the spirit is upon me and I am anointed. But when I think about all that I have come through with Him, I am overjoyed. And this is another chapter. He is telling me, “it’s not what it seems Jackie. Stop fighting me and let my perfect will have it’s way in your marriage. What therefore I hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” I am dumbstruck by God right now, and this may be too heavy for a lot of people. I am receiving revelation as I write this and my hope has been restored in Christ Jesus. Yes, it’s that easy when you believe. God is so amazing and enormous, yet meets us right where we are.

Thank you Lord for never giving up on me. Thank you for giving me realization in Your truth. Thank you for your good measure, at my level of faith, that gives me peace. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for his support and contribution. His love overflows out of the abundance of your riches in glory at work within him. I am keeping hope Lord. I count it all joy that we are going through this time right now. It is producing what you’ve already blessed in us. For your glory, in Jesus name. Amen.

Wrestling with my thoughts last night, dang I felt I would not be able to get past it. My mind kept racing to dark places where no good comes. Plotting and planning to be an independent detective. My heart was not right. so my self-talk followed. “I won’t be disrespected. I didn’t sign up for a life filled with uncertainty. I am a queen and deserve only the best”, yeah I know. Not an ounce of humility in that! And as I kept praying to God for help, I could not get free from that mindset.

I decided to read scripture found in John 8:32, the same scripture I had written at the start of my day. The irony was that it was staring me right in my face. After confessing, I kept reading the truth shall make you free and that was my sermon. A reminder that salvation in Christ Jesus is a gift from God. A gift that I did not earn, but could lose if I stop seeking Him diigently. The truth is in Jesus, he is the key that unlocks all doors.

I’ve been remembering where I used to be and who I was before accepting Christ. I don’t want to be her again. The truth has set me free and continues to work it’s way in my heart to make me complete in Him. One step at a time. Change takes time, and it always begins with truth. Truth about myself, the triggers that stop me from experiencing the fullness of joy in my heart. A woman battered and bruised, allowing the physicality of a man to hurt me. Going through very trying times where disrespect and disregard were a primary way of life. I lost myself there for awhile. I don’t think about it, yet recently I’ve been seeing a therapist who questions me on things I have forgotten. Emotions that I have stuffed away to continue walking. I have baggage. Emotional insecurities that influence my thinking, speech, reactions and tolerances. I thank God for answering my prayer and giving me grace to accept the hard things I need to hear about myself. I can be controlling, thinking I can do it best and not hearing what’s really being said. If I’m honest, it hurts but I’m ready for healing.

I often pray that God create a clean heart in me found in the Psalms of David. I think that what’s He’s doing through therapy. While it’s difficult to share what happened to me, what I allowed and why I stayed so long, I’m grateful to God for loving me the way He does, and connecting me to my therapist. I believe that this is a new start to go further in Christ, the gift of ministry and eventually pastoring. I smile as write that, because it was hard for me to admit that God has called me to pastor. I’m sure it’s because I felt unworthy to take that role in someone’s life. But God!

The city of Philadelphia, my home town. The pride of the Liberty Bell and William Penn laid the foundation to what we call the city of brotherly love. You’ll find Ben Franklin’s house, pristine in authenticity, to the Academy of Natural Sciences exhibiting the wonders of the Paleo age to the evolution of man. Walk the streets and see, vivid colored murals capturing our ethnicity and character at its best. Still yet, make your way to the upper echelon Rittenhouse Square for fine dining to East Broad Street for a night cap. The nightlife is intoxicating with bars, lounges, and chill spots in Northern Liberties and Market East. We are known for our beloved cheesesteak and pretzels, to the Reading Terminal Market. Here you’ll find Amish, Indian, Puerto Rican or Mexican eats to name a few. A city filled with diversity and eccentricity.

Philadelphians have grit, we play and fight hard. Fanatical about our sports and prideful when it comes to our neighborhoods. Philly’s in all it’s hustle and bustle, is a working town. Then why, my lovely Philly, have we become one of the top rated dangerous places to live in America. How’s that? Hate crimes, selfishness and arrogance. To a desensitized view for our homeless brothers and sisters. I’ve heard people title us, killadelphia. Which breaks my heart. Young boys being raised by the streets, without fathers to show them how to become men. With a “I don’t give a f&ck attitude.” in a one parent home with three or four other siblings. Mommy is working 16 hour days for food and rent and on the flip side, the welfare system is in full effect, and only a few are doing anything to improve their circumstance. Some of our police aren’t enforcing anything. A disrespect for the badge and apprehension to blue hate have tarnished the image of the real ones trying to keep peace. We are in trouble when all you see on prime time, is hate on hate crime, another innocent life being taken by crossfire and the evil that lurks at night.

My beloved Philadelphia, what happened to the love?

I’ll tell you… I found it at the outreach program on Pennsylvania Ave. preparing meals to feed our homeless. I caught a glimpse at the Wawa, when the woman in line, paid it forward to a young teen at the check out counter. While I was the train station I saw it again, when an elderly woman dropped her purse and, what appeared to be a construction worker, picked it up, handed it to her AND helped her to the gate. Yet again, a man walking 15 feet ahead of me, waited for me to arrive at the doorway, where he held the door for me. I was out shopping for groceries and the young boy gathering carts, asked me if he could help me unload my groceries. We are still that city! No doubt that we have rough areas that need help.

I believe in the power of prayer. If we are intentional in seeing God working, that is what we can see. I am not saying to be blind to what’s happening, cuz God knows, we need more influencers who will stand and make a positive difference. What I am saying to you is be the salt the adds flavor. Be a participant and not a spectator. Instead of wood that is rigid and won’t budge, bend a little. Philly needs a refresh! Will you pray with me? For my city. She is hurting, yet, her heart still pumps with love. Her compassion and empathy exist despite the news report this morning.

Heavenly Father,

I know you have not abandoned us. You are a good God. I believe you are looking for hearts who will stand firm in faith. Lord, build your kingdom in the city of Philadelphia. I believe in your goodness and faithfulness toward us and cry out to you. Free us from the deceptions and distractions that so easily ensnare us, in the name of Jesus. Protect your people from the wiles of the enemy. Help us Lord to choose wisely in what we watch, listen to and consume. In Jesus, we believe in your restoration power. You said in your word, that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. I come against the power and principalities in dark places, that try to overwhelm us with negativity and ill thoughts. I come against the spirit of pride, selfishness, hate, jealousy, envy, arrogance and shame, in the authority you have given in Jesus. Holy Spirit intercede on my behalf, for you know all things. Position us, show us, grow us in love. Help us be free of hate. I lift up parents, marriages, families, and children, in the name of Jesus. I lift up our law enforcement, police officers, government officials holding positions of authority, in the name of Jesus. Thank you for the courage you have blessed us with to be the positive change the city of Philadelphia needs. Soften the hearts of the hardened, and place a desire in us to be your hands and feet. To help and not complain, to listen more and speak words of encouragement that come from you. I decree and declare that by your stripes we are healed. Thank you Jesus for healing us.

Lord, hear our prayer. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.

Amen.

Engaged with knowledge of truth. For whence a person may come, is not where they end.

Feeling of nostalgia fills me as a young child again, remembering my thoughts and words. So timid, yet bold. I could always get my father to laugh. I remember vaguely, as a very young child, one day I packed my Barbie suitcase. With all of my dolls and headed out the door to the corner. There I knew to stop, because my father told me never to cross the street without an adult. When my neighbor saw me, she asked where I was going? My response, innocently enough, “I ran away and I am not allowed to cross the street.” My father always laughed when retelling that story. He knew, at the age of 4, I would be a strong and obedient woman. I miss my dad in so many ways. From our talks, to his countless stories, that I could listen to for days. I have realized for awhile now, how significant his influence has been on me. From my prayer life to obedience. God blessed me with my parents.

Today, I remember Jesus. How he was faced with challenges, endured while walking in the will of the Father. How beautiful to see Him going through for me on the cross. I can speak for myself and say, I can’t handle what God has for me. When I think about it, I am in utter wonder. Reminded of the fierce spirit he has placed in me. Simply, less of me and more of you Lord. For to live in Christ is gain. Through the storms, the waiting, the breakthroughs and exercising my faith, I remain reliant. There is beauty in truly believing, whatever I encounter, He remains true in love.

What seems like a dry season, I find are the periods where He is behind the scenes. Positioning, working, preparing me for the next step. He continues to teach me patience, kindness, holiness, and no compromises. Where I am traveling, there can be no wavering. I realize in moments, that He has already paved the way if I walk in obedience. I serve to “thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” I know little, yet He is great in me. Only God can do that. My life will continuously be open to all He has, and it is the call to Elder this season. I look forward to the opportunities to trust Him and be a witness.

The Lord is my rock and foundation. With His stability I am able to grow in spirit and truth. At one time I could only drink milk, because that’s all I could handle, the capacity in which I could receive. I was a baby in spirit. Today, He allows me to eat solid food, filled with juicy morsels that fill me, and others around me. Later, I’d like to eat a full course meal. Yet, I am not ready. He loves me so much that He protects and keeps me from myself. Knowing now that fools rush in. He will expect more of me in due time. Meanwhile, He continues to teach, show and grow me. My spirituality, filled with godly influencers, blessed with lessons of the good and the ugly. He has already worked it out for my good. From the age of 4, when I first made a “big girl” decision to the present day, God has been working on me. We perish for our lack of knowledge. The Bible and a sound mind are my gifts. Allowing the spirit to use me. Not knowing what to say, but saying what is good and edify the spirit. My attitude today continues to change toward people and circumstances. He has allowed me to see with a heart of gratitude, my husband, sons, and all the blessings! My platform, authority and joy are found in Jesus!

Today, I can help someone else understand. Where we end, God begins. Thank you Lord, for taking your time.

Remembering what was…no longer under the light.

My hunger subsided as I move away from feeding it.

The thirst now is change, in my home, my marriage, my church,

A refresh in truth and spirit.

“to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness“

Grateful for the blood,

I am the light.

Distraction after another that attempt to grab my attention, lead me to a place I have no business being… despair, depression and sadness. Nope, I am hip to it. Focusing on the one thing I know is truth, with my heart, my eyes and all my strength I ask for grace. This is a moment and I know God is in control of everything.

I ask for continued wisdom and knowledge as He leads me. I will not be captured or ensnared by the sin that tries to entangle me, no! There are a cloud of witnesses before me that have already undergone some, if not all, of what I am dealing with this present time. Jesus is my anchor! I am anchored in Jesus!

This is warfare, the kind that is spiritual. The kind we don’t think about but exists. And if you know what I do, you’d gird up your loins. Today it’s about war obstructing peace. It’s about a teenager finding his way through the fog. It’s a choice you’ve regreted but hold on to, that keeps you from the freedom that is already yours.

He keeps telling us to look to Him. We overcomplicate without meditating. We watch the news that give us fact not truth. We choose to spend our time on social media instead of in silence, thinking of peace, hope and love. I rise today simply because I have made the committment to God and to myself, that I will not be discouraged, I will not be dismayed. I know that Jesus will never leave me and He is my help. He is by my side through all. That folks is my strength, my peace, my hope and it’s love.

I RISE!

I was wrestling with my thoughts last night. Kept thinking of opposition and plans on what I’d do to combat them. From my husband to my workplace, I was battling with myself. When I realized this was happening, I started to say Jesus, again and again Jesus. I prayed and spoke to the evil one directly commanding him to leave. I told him he could not steal my peace or joy. I recited truth. God is my strong tower in whom I trust, He has given me His power to speak life over myself and it is good. He leads me in still waters and refreshes my soul. The enemy tried last night but no.

I thank God for His promises. When I call on Him, he hears me. He reminds me and restores me. Noone and nothing can compare to the love of Christ! His grace and peace are mine. Thankful for rest and waking up with hope in my heart. Today is the day the Lord has made for me, I rejoice and and am glad in it.

God said that His people perish and are destroyed for our lack of knowledge. The armor is real and I remembered to use my spiritual helmet of salvation and breastplate of righteousness to combat the enemy last night. Grateful El Shaddai, Almighty God for your wisdom and discernment. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever, Amen!

When I was a little girl, I was coined as independent. My own mind to do what I wanted, when I wanted, stubborn even. It’s uncanny how those years of a life manifest in older years. When I look back on certain times where I made choices that placed me in situations…some not so good and others that brought me good…in choosing the best course of action, I can honestly say God was with me. I didn’t know or realize it at that time but being a woman of God today, I do.

Having been introduced to the realities of the differences in race, color and culture, I was God’s. He groomed me. When I made poor choices and found myself in a pickle, He was there holding my hand and guiding me through. I could have been dead more times than I care to admit.. but God’s plan for my life, saved me. I can recall the Holy Spirit giving me counsel. I ponder at times, how having a praying grandmother was a true blessing. She showed me her faithfulness in prayer and was who everyone called when they needed it.

Fast forward today, I too have become faithful in prayer. God has shown me that I am a prayer warrior and has made me an intercessor for others. I intercede and He hears me! That blows my mind. But God will do that, He showed me what I couldn’t see without Him. In this world and in my prayers, I know God is raising up an army of prayer warriors. Those who will praise and place Him above all else believing for His mercy and grace until His return.

I have come into the knowledge of His power at work within me. The power of Jesus and the blood shed for us, His people. His almighty, endless and compassionate love has placed us in a time where prayer is needed. Not to get the things we desire, but for His glory to be fulfilled in a world where love seems lost. We trivialize love in all that is thrown at us because we don’t understand true love. We feel love and when we can no longer feel it, we give up. I have learned that love is more than a feeling. He tells us that love holds no record of wrong and I know firsthand that forgiveness can be hard. We are called to forgive. Just as Jesus did when He walked this earth.

It’s a wonder to me how generations past have laid down seed for this world today in which we find ourselves yearning for acceptance. Nothing has changed and we continue to dig deeper in falsehoods that create confusion for the answers we’ve already been given. Television programs that promote sex, drama and lies. Social media platforms that enforce anger, hatred and self satisfaction.

It’s a wonder to me how the world continues to evolve in pagan beliefs and the church passifies it with the sign of the times. The church has fallen but God. Perk up and listen, cuz faith comes by way of listening to the word. We need more prayer, more fasting, more believers who have the courage to stand in truth. God is awesome, in that, He tells us to not be dismayed, not to be discouraged for He is with us. That means walk in fire, trusting you will not get burned. Dream big, be bold in prayer, come and receive what He has already anointed for those He has called. God is a wonder to me. I will never truly know Him in His entirety and that’s ok. He has given me a warrior spirit to help others realize their’s too. I can ponder but I cannot afford to stop moving in the direction He has shined His light for me to walk in.

I am thankful for your love. You are my wonder Lord whom I place my life. Have your way and continue to lead me in the way everlasting.

Thoughts of love fill me tonight. I know what I know because I serve such a loving Father. He holds me close even when I can’t feel Him. He fills me with joy to share freely with others. He gives me purpose!

Even when I walk through the valley, I know I am still blessed. He chose me and there is nothing I need to do to earn His riches in glory. He meets my every need and continually shows me how much He cares for me.

Today I can because He is. I can because He supplies. I can because He raised me up from a pit of my own hell and showed me His way to everlasting life. I can because He saved a rejected, hurt, scorned girl and made me wise, wonderful and filled me with His love.

I can because He said!

Nothing more and nothing less.

You are amazing Lord, no other name above you Jesus. I am grateful and thankful for your ways are not like mine, your thoughts are higher than mine, and your counsel limitless. I am yours and yours alone.

With every ounce of my being. I praise you!