Goodness, it’s Friday and this week has been a bit off for me. With illness all around me, it’s no wonder I caught a cold and strep this week that put me down. Thank God it’s Friday! I have been struggling to get well, alongside my son. Healing is happening!
Doubt and fear have been my struggle lately, having anxious thoughts of the future. I’ve relied on my husband to keep things together from a financial perspective that when I think of myself apart from that, it brings anxiety. The how, what, when fill my mind. I know this is real for a lot of people, and especially me today. Reading scripture that tells me, “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Man, I tear up just thinking about that. WOW! Nothing, means nothing and the Word expounds on it, just to make it ever more clear. Romans 8:38-39. I am reminded of when I was little, I’d catch glimpses of His love when I wasn’t stuck in my emotions. I didn’t know better than, but I do now! Remembering how He has always kept me in my pain, hardships, wondering, and lack of direction. He never left me. The reason, I know is because, I’ve always had visions in my mind. Stories played out for me that I knew I didn’t conjure up. He showed me my mother’s pain through rejection, to help her and warn me. It’s like God telling me, “this is an area you need to pay attention to.” I didn’t and rejection has influenced my life. Since learning about blessings and curses, I come against the spirit of rejection. I will prosper in truth and spirit of God’s Word and all He has for me, because nothing can separate me from His love.
Today, I’m dealing with my marriage and feelings of rejection all over again. But this is a lie, my husband has not rejected me, he’s gone back in history. To a time he felt appreciated, held up high in the worlds eyes and He is hooked on a feeling. Manifested in his love of material things, how he appears and how is perceived. He will deny it, but I see very clearly that the enemy has come against us and using my husband like a puppet. It makes me sad to see that we’ve grown so far apart. I am trying to live in truth and he is looking to the world. I don’t see a way for us and the thoughts I wrestle with are of running. But I’ve always done that…run. And I don’t want to run anymore. I am here to stay and put in the work. Whatever the outcome, I’ll know I’ve endured and fought the good fight of faith.
Honestly, it’s difficult to keep hope alive when I am not heard. I conjure up all kinds of thoughts, that I will not write, but that I know are not from God. He has given me enough wisdom to understand that part, so He tells me to fight on my knees, to speak life and in James 1:2-4 it is written, My brethren, count if all joy when you fall into divers temptatations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting in nothing. EW WEE! Jesus! Dang, the Lord is good to me. My faith is working patience in me so I can be complete and wanting nothing this world can give. Only God can do that! Allow me to press into Him when I am tempted to run. I am blessed! He is working it out in me. I don’t know what God has planned for me, only that I the spirit is upon me and I am anointed. But when I think about all that I have come through with Him, I am overjoyed. And this is another chapter. He is telling me, “it’s not what it seems Jackie. Stop fighting me and let my perfect will have it’s way in your marriage. What therefore I hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” I am dumbstruck by God right now, and this may be too heavy for a lot of people. I am receiving revelation as I write this and my hope has been restored in Christ Jesus. Yes, it’s that easy when you believe. God is so amazing and enormous, yet meets us right where we are.
Thank you Lord for never giving up on me. Thank you for giving me realization in Your truth. Thank you for your good measure, at my level of faith, that gives me peace. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for his support and contribution. His love overflows out of the abundance of your riches in glory at work within him. I am keeping hope Lord. I count it all joy that we are going through this time right now. It is producing what you’ve already blessed in us. For your glory, in Jesus name. Amen.
Immeasurably More 