Immeasurably More

I am in this space again, fighting myself. I’ve not done what I know is right and my heart grows weary. I start to doubt myself. Thoughts of fear, inadequacy, and condemnation are strong. I am struggling with these feelings.

I go to Abba, asking for forgiveness. I pray and continue to serve, yet here I remain. I am reading Samuel, I am reading Galatians, I am reading Romans. I am looking for counsel in scripture which I know is truth. I have this moment, it’s after midnight and I am lying in my bed. I start to sing aloud, “fill me up Lord”, again and again I continue to sing. I move on to “that name Jesus” and my heart begins to feel him again. I cry in repentance of everything I can think of that could keep me from Him. Healing begins inside, I feel Him stirring my spirit. I begin to thank Him over and over again for His goodness and faithfulness. My song and my seranade to Him turns to praise! “Great is your faithfulness to me, I’ll still bless you Lord. In the middle of my trial, in my storm, when I am in the middle of the road and I don’t know which way to go. I’ll still bless you!” No matter if I don’t do the right thing in your eyes, I will still lift my worship to the only one who loves me so deeply and so wonderfully. My Lord Jesus. Great is your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting sea, I will praise your name.

What was doubt becomes empowerment in Jesus! What was fear of losing Him, becomes the revelation that He never leaves me. He reminds me of how far I have come from where I started. To be strong and of good courage! I may be afraid, I may be discouraged, but I am going to to move forward afraid. He helps me remember who I am, a child of the most High! I may have questions that go unasnwered, but it won’t stop me from believing He has already worked it out for my good. I will still trust you Lord. I may have fears within myself, but I will keep moving toward you. I may doubt my ability but I don’t doubt yours. Alleluia! For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son to pay the price for my sins once and for all. By His stripes I am healed. At that moment, I come to the realization that there is power in praise. Praise opens God’s ears to us, adorns Him, lightens our burden and brings deliverance. WOW! Since that night, God has not ceased to minister to my heart for when I seek Him diligently, that’s what He will do. He will bless your heart, renew your mind, restore your soul! Alleluia! He already told me that I am blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places and that means in Jesus. My Savior sits at the right hand of the Father in heaven and intercedes for me. Sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are in God, El Shaddai. Our Lord God Almighty! If you don’t know who you are in God, I suggest talking to Him so he can help you. He helped me.

I love power words because that is what speaks life to me. God gave me a scripture in 2009, the same year my father passed away. I stood in a church supporting my friend who was studying to be a preacher and here God showed up. The Apostle asked me to come up to the pulpit and he had me lift my hands. He proceeded to place his hands in my hands. While he touched my hands, he started to proclaim the truth in my past, things I had pushed so far down in me that I had forgotten. I was in disbelief. He said to me, “you dodged a bullet, and should be dead, but God”. He declared Isaiah 61 over me and told me that I have healing hands and would be reaching down in dark places to save the long forgotten. In retrospect, I thank God for that gift on my 35th birthday for it held me through the reality of His presence when my dad got sick. But more importantly, He showed me my purpose and destiny in Him. I could go on and on about the countless ways God has used me to teach and minister to the lost for that is the call on my life. No condemnation, no amount of sadness, not even my pride at times will get in the way of the good work God has begun in me.

I thank Him for showing me… even when sometimes I forget.

Oh Lord, how I love you!

You reveal and bless. I am in awe of you. Oh, how you captivate me Father! I sit here pondering your words and I am overjoyed. You gave me Philippians 2:14-15 after I listened yesterday to my husband. I don’t want to be a person who complains. Thank you for using Ben. I was ready to receive from him to move forwad in the way you have for me. I was getting out of hand, in all areas of my life. Thank you for correction and such a graceful way of giving it to me.

Do all things without grumbling, or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God, without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine like stars in the sky

You want me to shine like a star in the sky, but how can I with my mouth these days. Forgive me… every sermon today had to do with the tongue. Thank you Lord. Today you showed me what a pastor will do on a work day. I am grateful with the lessons of leadership you have already provided me Lord. No fussing, no complaining, no arguing. Relying on you for wisdom, counsel and guidance. You will make a way. I don’t need to figure it out. I just need to say yes!

Thank you for this season of showing me I am a prayer warrior. I will be one praying pastor. I know who I am in you Jesus. Today’s Sunday school lesson, with Jesus, all things are possible! This entire day was a bunch of hugs and kisses and I feel blessed by you.

You got this. Trusting!

Father, I pray for healing over minds that still yearn for what was lost. Those of us who continue to depend on ourselves, instead of following what is good for us and doing what seems hard. Forgive me for wasting time on things that do not matter Lord. Playing too much and risking my faith to the things of the world. I know that ultimately, my faith determines my choices. Continue the work you have started and give me your counsel, directing my path in each area of my life where you want to see change. I want to be better for you Lord. I pray that you keep me unspotted from the world. I cannot do this alone Lord Jesus, I need you. I lift up my heart, mind and soul to you. Let me trust your timing Lord. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

I could not write without prayer. For prayer, I’ve discovered is a weapon of spiritual warfare and one we need to practice without ceasing. Prayer keeps us from worry, and opens doors which would otherwise remain closed. Some will not understand this, and if you are one, I give you Elijah, a prophet in the bible found in 1 Kings who continually prayed and God answered.

Stop talking and start walking.  I can’t count how many times I’ve heard that saying. I myself have used it, when I’ve wasted too much time talking about something I need to move on. The truth is, I sometimes get caught up in a cycle of waiting until the right time. But what is that… when is the right time?

Today I had a revelation that the Spirit allowed me to see while reading Hebrews and James for school. I had two opportunities while out and about in the city to serve God. Yet I simply brushed them off. The grace of God, a gift that I could not earn, that He gave me freely. I had to get to the point in my life where I could receive the gift of grace. And this made me think of the two gentlemen I came across. By the worlds standard, they were bums…but with Godly eyes they are His children…who probably don’t know about His amazing grace or His love for them. The love we are to have for our neighbors as we have for ourselves. He tells me to be a doer of His word. Not only because of the reward I will reap when I am finally with Him, but how much more enriching my life will be here and now.  The more I ponder on my lack of extending grace, I am convicted. The hands and feet of Jesus, this is who I am.  In Hebrews 13:1-2, let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. When I read that I could be entertaining and angel, I smile and joy fills me. In my conviction, I now have God’s wisdom. As I continue to read James 1:25, which says,  But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. What a beautiful truth! His goodness is never ending. While I have heard, read and have knowledge of love, today would have been a perfect example of showing unexpected love. So much of the teachings in the bible are morsels of delight to the soul. Once realized, walking confidently becomes a way of life. Thank you Lord for chastening me in the most graceful way and helping me to see you despite my faults. You love me, this I know, but do those two men who were begging today? Do they know your love? Forgive me for my worldly thinking and for correcting me so quickly. I am grateful that you allow me to see myself. Please help me with my unbelief Lord and continue to unharden my heart to the things that matter to you. Shame on me if I don’t take the time to fix or call on your help, once you’ve revealed what isn’t right within me. What good is a man who loves the world and loses his soul. I don’t want to be that woman! I have seen unprecendented change in the world this past year that shook me Lord. Illness over my body, fear that brought a tidal wave of mental health prayer requests, outward hate in the world and division in the church. This awareness, makes my faith walk even more important. Walk in the boldness of Jesus and do as you have taught me. I am reminded of faith, which is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. My faith grows through trial and tribulation.

Be a doer of the God’s word you tell me and through Jesus I can do all things. I am the head and not the tail which means I should see myself as Jesus sees me, blameless, sinless, forgiven and redeemed by His blood. This life isn’t easy because there is so much inside of us that isn’t good, isn’t from God that we have made our truth.

But if you take a moment, step outside of your comfort and allow your heart to be vulnerable, you may be able to accept that you are beautiful and worthy of goodness. That’s half the battle! I never asked to be bullied and beat up by boys after school because of the color of my skin. I didn’t ask to be abused in a relationship with a man who called himself a believer, but was so broken, that he could not love himself. I didn’t ask to be ridiculed, mocked and rejected simply for being misunderstood. But that is me! That is why I have a heart for those who suffer the same. In my search for something more, God has turned my pain into good! What the devil tried to use against me, God restored in me! The truth is, I wouldn’t be who I am today had it not been for those experiences. I allowed myself to be in places I had no business being. I lacked love for myself. I once believed the lies the evil one would tell me. Shame, guilt and a world of insecurities were his lies that kept me weighted in self pity and sorrow. I could not break free because everything I surrounded myself in was not of Him. But Jesus kept calling…oh blessed Jesus. Through people, situations, the radio, tv programs, cirumstances and church. He used friends from the past and groups to help me get out of my rut and realize who I am in Him! Truthfully, it’s an everyday battle, one that I remain mindful of. I could slip anyday, at anytime if I am not mindful of my thoughts. It’s not enough to say I am a believer, people should see that in all I do. With God’s teachings, today I stand knowing I am imperfect and He uses me in my imperfection. I don’t need to make it to the finish line to be a winner. I am winning in truth today! The truth has set me free! Thank you Lord for your grace. I am blessed and grateful for this lesson in doing.

I have to admit that I don’t think from a spiritual place. Many times, in fact, I don’t think from my spirit until I am faced with a situation or circumstance where I call on you. You are teaching me to think in spirit, make choices from spirit and act according to the Holy Spirit. You need to be first above all things in my life Abba.

Forgive me for my shortcomings and I ask that you continue the work you have started in me. I am yours. Thank you for choosing me Father to do your will on earth. There are so many who have been called but don’t know how to take the next step in growing in you, as I was one of those people. Every walk varies and mine is no different, I ran so long from you with moments of your glory along the way. That is the kind of Father you are… generous, kind, loving and forgiving. You want us to come to you with it all. Our woes and our happiness. Our conflict and our successes. Our heartache and hangups. Our tribulations and our trials. Everything that makes me who I am. You want it all!

Your love is without measure and for a long time, I could not comprehend it. I’ve been asking for less of me and more of you. I praise you Lord! Through the good, bad and indifferent you are with me. I am left in awe of you. I give you the praise! Today is a good day simply because you gifted it to me. Thank you for having and holding me. Your goodness is infinite toward me. You love me like noone else can and I am blessed by you. Now it is time to be strong and of good courage. This is not a time to be scared or fearful of all you have planned for me. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Lord, please give me clarity on next steps.

Forgive me Father for harboring ill emotion about MS and not talking to you about it. This disease creates uncertainty in me. I try to ignore it but I can’t. Today I fell and now I have pinches on the right side my face. Which means there is activity in my cervical cord. I have to say that I feel guilt for not caring for myself all these years. My heart wants to cry and feel sorry for myself , cuz why do I have to go through this. But you tell me that I will suffer for a bit and then joy comes. It always comes. I am missing my parents this year a great deal. Thoughts of their love and sacrifices for me and all that they instilled in me. I am reminded that each day is a chance to recommit myself to you and today is that day for me. I’ve been avoiding you and incrementally becoming more sluggish by the day. I know better! Everyday is a fight for my faith!! The evil one hates me and wants to trip me up, I am wiser because of you Lord. Thank you once again for showing me myself. I thank you for forgiving me time after time. I hold you high Father, for your faithfulness knows no bounds. In the glorious name of Jesus, my strongtower. Amen!

There are no words to describe the pain of betrayal. I have given time, prayer, love, friendship, knowledge and wisdom to you. Trusting you were learning and growing. That is what I saw…and then I started to see your arrogance and haughty ways show itself. I witnessed your frustration come forth easily. Your impatience with the length of time for change. There is a direct correlation between the spiritual and physical realm. You are experiencing your ailment because of your heart. It’s time to reflect on your thoughts. You are focused on your pain more so than the one who heals. You are listening to the voice feeding you lies instead of going to the one who directs your path. I know you are praying and worshipping and feeling like you are doing all the right things. What is your hearts position? You can do all the right things, say the right words but if you have not love it means nothing. Teaching in love, sharing in love, living in love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. You are learning and while I feel betrayed, it will not stop my love for you. God is unshakeable and He lives in me. Today I choose love. Today I lift you up in love to our Father who predestined us for His glory through Jesus. God bless you my sister. May He keep and heal you.

Heavenly Father,

Let me be self aware of the influence you have given me. I want to be responsible with this gift Lord. Continue to show me when to speak and when to be silent. I thank you for answered prayers in Jesus glorious name. Amen

I am learning in love that forgiveness is important to seeing something greater come to pass. I have been hurt, but I’ll survive. The bigger question to me is what could I have done differently. While I could blame others for their actions and mistakes, I am too learning that many people think inwardly with feeling and emotion which drives them to a reaction. This is true with me, however, I am being taught to be quick to listen, slow to respond and slow to anger. In this change and awareness that I have been making a point to remember, I have become more forgiving. I thank God for that. Growing and getting better one moment at a time.

Like anything, there is a beginning.

Journeys that lead to a destination. Thoughts that become an idea. Creativity that sparks a vision. Innovation that kick start a new era. Information that changes a focus. Learning to listen and be guided. God is allowing me new sight and sound in Him.

God has poured into me for years, providing a platform to minister to His people, host small groups and bible study in churches, while journaling along the way. For such a time as this, my passion and love in sharing Him have been the canvas. Today I immerse myself in bold and bright colors. I am certain of the angle of my brush, with careful consideration of positioning and lighting that illuminates every area of my art piece. With each brush stroke, i delicately create my life’s portrait in Jesus. My potter, who has been forming me to His likeness.

In giving, serving, loving, crying and all the triumphs! The laughter, the test and trials. Each layer of time, building my spirit. He told me, greater is He who is in me, than me that is in the world. He is creating in me a clean heart! Pure in your presence my Lord. Trust in you completely, knowing that you paid the price for me on the cross where all my fears, shortcomings, failures, guilt and illness died. You made me new the moment I said yes and stopped running. I had to stop running from you…but it was you that stopped me wasn’t it. How mighty are you Lord!

Today I am who I am because of you. All the heartache, waiting for breakthrough, that came when I least expected. All of the fears and doubts you kept me covered. The lies the enemy used against me, your grace held me. Each day I fall short, and each day I ask for forgiveness. I am growing in patience with myself and others, with situations and circumstances. You said that patience leads to endurance. In this life on earth, we need endurance to get up, get moving and live in the way you have called us. In my end here in the world, my story will speak life into a soul that yearns for love. You are the love of my life. You are my portrait and in you I shine.

I oftentimes find myself in opposition to a rule and I should not take this position. God keeps talking to me about submission. As I read the statutes, laws and rules God has given from Old Testament, I am convicted.

I have been allowing myself to be manipulated in my mind by the evil one. Months have passed since I wrote on how I oppose when in fact God is spiritually stretching me. I have become quick to listen and slow to respond. I am thinking of my motives. Do I pray with good motive? I have to admit that I may not have been…search my heart Lord. Reveal what is in me that is not in alignment with your will. Forgive me for being selfish, ignorant, and fearful. More of you Lord, this is my prayer. Make me new Lord, in you. I don’t want to make the same mistakes over and over again. Lead me Lord. I want to know you Father. I want to hear you and believe in all your promises without fail. I give you my heart and soul Lord, have your way. You told me that I am more than a conqueror in you. You promised me your peace. You gave me the Holy Spirit who lives in me. I want to better for you. So take me as I am today and have your way. I submit to you Lord. Remove that which is not of you and heal my broken heart. More of you Lord.

There is a washing of my soul happening each time we meet. Creating a wonder in me that has become bittersweet. Realizing the things I thought were true, end in a spiritual awareness that make me blue. The sorrow may come in the night but joy comes in the morning. I submit to you.

There is an awakening that happens when I talk to you. You are showing me people, in their flaws, trials and tribulation also comes a revelation. Is this good or is this bad for me. And while at first it was easy to detect, the more I’m surrounded by other believers, the more cloudy it gets. Teach me Lord as your pupil, child and follower, the ways of the brethren that do not mean what they say.

I submit Lord. Have your way❤

It’s March 17, 2020 and I received a diagnosis today that I have multiple sclerosis. I am in shock, trying to be a big girl and fight back the tears. I feel like I did something wrong. My mind goes to thinking on how could this happen to me? When I ask the doctor, she tells me that there is no scientific reason why this occurs. Hmm, I don’t like that answer. I ask what is the course of action for this disease and the response is to manage it. It is something I will have to live with. Still not liking that answer…and so here I am feeling like I haven’t given the proper appreciation to the gift of walking, moving, reacting as I should. Thinking of how wreckless I’ve been with so many of my gifts. I never posted this still working out my emotions. But…

It’s been 4 months since my diagnosis and today is July 6, 2020. I will not go down without a fight! I have lost 25 pounds. My outlook on health have changed. Treadmill daily, eating habits improved and I am relying on God every step of the way. I can’t say that I didn’t know I needed a change… but God will make it so that a choice will need to be made. As a matter of life and death! He just kicked me in the butt and said you can do it. I love Him for that…He reminds me His grace is sufficient, to be patient in affliction and steadfast in prayer. And I still don’t always follow through 100%, yet His grace covers me. I am in love with you Lord. You are beautiful and I desire you. I want to be with you always. Thank you for your love. Continue to help my immune system Lord. Thank you for growing my faith. Thank you for making me a Kingdom warrior. I praise you! Grateful for another day.

Sometimes our hearts deceive us…

I want to believe I am walking in the way that honors my Father. There are times when I see for a time changes that are not good and I come to a place of intolerance. The heaviness begins to burden my heart because I haven’t given it to the only one who helps. And in these times, there is disruption and my words may not be so kind. I am careful to choose my words but heart rules and I fall short. This ultimately creates separation and a rift in my world has occurred. I usually do everything in my power to avoid it, but I’m not sure I am supposed to. Today I give my heart to you Lord. I am not sorry for telling what I see, baring my heart, and sharing my concerns of the patterns that which have taken generations past. Because I do not explain or say exactly what he needs to hear, I am speaking in circles. Say what you mean he tells me…yet I am saying the things that provoke the spirit. I pray his spirit can hear me one day. I will not give up. I am in this for better or worse, for richer or poorer, through sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part.

I am walking with the Lord. I may stumble and fall but He lifts me up, brushes me off and guides my footsteps 👣 I fall short everyday but He forgives me, reminds me of my purpose and gives me peace that surpasses understanding. 😇 I know I am wonderfully and fearfully made. Noone can take that truth from me. No words can reach the depth of me anymore. Too many years feeling sorry for myself, wounded, hurting for the lies that I once believed. I am new in Christ who paid the price for me and cleansed me from sin. Today I lift up my husband to you Lord. Show me what I need to see and guide me. Help him come to you with an open heart. In Jesus glorious name. Amen

Good Morning Lord. Thank you for waking me to another day of your love, hope and faith. To be able to call on you with a believing heart and receive an answered request immediately. That is the Father you are…gracious, kind and loving. I am blessed by you Lord. In so many ways you are blessing me. I am learning how to strategize, direct and position my responsibilities with you guiding my steps. I recognize you more each day that I seek you in my everyday life.

You are transforming me Lord and I thank you. You know your children and what it takes to motivate us. Thank you for inspiring me to good health and placing a believer in my life to encourage me. Thank you for placing a prophet in my life that loves and speaks life into me. Thank you for gifting me with leadership and influence. I ask that you direct me in this space Lord. Speak to my heart with growing my methods in leading others. Thank you for my church family. For my Pastor who is a teacher. Thank you for my husband and my children. Thank you for giving me a mother in law who loves us and looks out for us. Thank you for endurance Lord. This is where you build us as we rely on you for our needs. I thank you for wisdom and revelation. I thank you for making me a prayer warrior. Relentless and fierce with the word that is a double edged sword!

Father, you are glorious, breathtaking, marvelous and pure! You are my hope each day for this world that I see are lost in themselves. Lost in ignorance in never being taught. I lift up our youth to you Lord. Every heart trying to find their way, I pray you place an angel in their path to help direct them along the way. I pray that you touch my brethen today in a supernatural way Lord where praise and worship are magnified to you. You are in control Lord. Today is the day you have made, I am rejoicing. My third day of fast and you brought me through. Tonight is fellowship and I am excited to see how you use us. Breakthroughs are happening in the name of Jesus! Healing of souls, restoration of bodies, generational curses are being cast down in Jesus. I exalt you Lord!

Today I bless your holy name and ask for your mercy at the workplace. I intercede in prayer and supplication Father. I come against the spirit of false judgment and arrogance in the name of Jesus. I declare heaven on earth Lord. I declare my yoke is broken. I declare by your stripes I am healed. As it is by faith, and by faith so it is. Amen