Immeasurably More

I have come a way from where I started from, my journey to spiritual maturity. To be loved by you a gift. I am moved by you each time you use me to help, lift, or love on your children, who are now my brothers and sisters. In this season, you have shown me the significance of praying. The change for me is the faith you have given me because of my obedience. Even when I doubt myself, you show me a glimpse of you in the midst to remind me that it is you that holds me. I am believing that with mustard seed faith, I can move a mountain in you.

You grabbed a hold of me and immediately started to love on me. I can’t say all how that came to pass. What I can say is that in my weakness, you are made strong. In my reliance of you, you became my strength. I would not take away a thing that I’ve gone through because each bridge, whether difficult or arduous has brought me to this very place of rest. I attribute my joy to you. The love, peace and serenity you have placed in my heart are priceless. I think that I have doubts in my walk, about my walk and all that I am doing to help those in need because it’s in this level of uncertainty that brings me to you. It requires me to seek you, need you and call on you. And that has been my journey to date, the ebbs and flows of the Christian life. Today, I count it all joy of the trials and tribulations that I undergo for it is for your glory. Every end is always about you.

I just want to say that I love you and thank you for loving me.

My soul cries out to you O Lord!

Forgive me for gluttony and sloth. Forgive me for not cherishing the gift of good health and nutrition. For not caring for my temple in the way that is befitting to you. Today I cry out to you Lord. Tears of mourning and sorrow for all the ways I have sinned against you with my body. Today I cry as I give my sin to you. Weeping for change and in how I see food. Sorrow in my thoughts. The efforts to do this myself have been in vain. Inconsistent and not giving me good results.  I need your help Lord! I need you in living a healthy lifestyle for my good. I want to be better for you Lord. This is my time for change, as change is happening all around me. This is where I am weak Lord. Be my strength! I don’t know where you are taking me but I do know that I have to do better in the way I think of food. Break the chains the bind me Lord. Break the thoughts of indulgence that I struggle with daily. I cannot overcome this without you. I want to see food the way you see it. Help me. Lord, I cry out to you! With each tear, you embrace me as I humble myself to you because this is your love O God. I thank you for your love.

I didn’t know that was in me… grief of letting go to allow for something greater. There is  beauty in my tears and joy gained in times of truth with God. A genuine emotion in releasing a mindset that hinders me from a revitalized spirit in my creator. He knows already the value of humility. When we come to Him in raw emotion and tonight is what happened to me! The Holy Spirit is my guide. I give it all up to you Lord. Have your way in me. Beauty for ashes. I am blessed and highly favored. In all your ways, I acknowledge you and ask that you direct my path. I cannot alone, I have tried my entire life to subdue my appetite, count calories, various diets and have had good runs along the way with weight loss but nothing that lasts. This time I want to win the battle with my addiction to food once and for all. With Christ, I can do all things.

God helped me quit smoking and I started really packing on the weight. I think of food differently because in my mind food is sustenance in living. I think of food differently than smoking cigarettes. But maybe, God is showing me that it is no different. Anything that is an overindulgence is harmful. Anything that is not good for me is a sin against Him. Food is no different if I am eating cake, cookies, ice cream and chips! I throw up my hands and relinquish it to Jesus. My journey begins.

I am Jacqueline Hill and today I confess that I am giving up my addiction to food and poor eating habits to God. With purpose and intentional prayer in this area of my life, I will overcome through Christ Jesus. Thank you for my life Lord. Thank you for all the blessings you have given to me. From a a loving husband, to healthy children, to a house where we serve you Lord. Continue to have your way in my home.  In the glorious name of Jesus. Today I declare, that I believe no weapon formed against me will prosper in the name of Jesus. I declare honor and victory over sin in my life in Jesus. I declare to use my time effectively and purposefully to walk in the will of El Shaddai, in Jesus. I declare that Jesus is my Lord and Savior, through Him I can do all things. Through His stripes, I am healed. All for your glory Lord, Amen!

Waiting for me can be excruciating. My thoughts wander to dark places and I have quite the imagination. What I’ve learned is that waiting is necessary at times and when I need to wait, I try not to focus on the issue but my healer and the one who gives me strength. This thinking brings me peace and how I avoid getting caught up in negativity. So here I am, hearing news that would have taken me to a bad place once upon a time, yet today, I know who and where my help come from. No matter the outcome, I know that He is the way, the truth and life. Still not sure exactly but may have a clue, although additional tests need to happen… but what I do know is everything happens for a reason. God won’t give me more than I can handle and just typing that brings me joy! God will not give me more than I can handle… which means that I can handle this. Multiple Sclerosis could be my answer.

I often write about strength, power and might. Throughout the years, I have said that God has made me a fighter! A warrior for His army and today is no different. I am a prayer warrior and I encourage. I remind believers of the authority they hold in Christ Jesus. I believe in good things because that is what God promised me. I am without doubt, fear or uncertainty because to be so is foolish. I will not succumb to emotion because that could lead me down a slippery slope. I hold on to truth. Today is a good day because I am finding the reasons to my ailment. On my way to a new way of living and it’s all good. Discovery is refreshing and sets my optimism in motion…how wonderful it is to know that God is bigger than any illness, tragedy, shortcoming we have. This is the Christians time to shine. Be bold in Him, and to share the goodness of the Lord! I have not ever been one to mince words… I preach with vigor, I teach with passion and I am unapologetic as a leader! This is the blessing of God to me, for Him! Many can’t take an ounce of me and I can live with that! Just like espresso, I am too strong for some folk, cuz I pack a punch. Many rather smile and get along, no trouble… while judging your every word, move and decision. Prisoners to themselves. One reason why I pray. I am not always right but I serve Him who is. I am not the best, but I rely on Him who made me qualified. I am not the smartest, but His knowledge and intellect are unlimited.

Thank God!

I learned and continue to absorb is, the wiles of Satan are cunning and manipulative, yet his deception are growing less superior to my thoughts. My voice is stronger than his lie! My desire for God is steadfast. I stand up. I stand strong. We stand united! In prayer, in fasting, in sharing. This is not the time to question authority, now is the time to work in unity,  as the body of Christ! To show the world how we roll in Christ, our Lord, who we serve! Now is the time to put away judgment and put on humility.

Now is the time to shine!

How we appear is who we are!

If we reap discord we are no better than the world.

God won’t have it! 

God has placed me in a position of influence early in my life, since my twenties,  that I have managed people. I had to go through many pains to understand the real meaning of true leadership. However, it was not until I realized God’s plan that I thought was for me, would unlock many of my leadership qualities in every aspect of my life. But last night…last night was like pieces of a puzzle finally coming together that made sense.

I have been degraded, rejected, oppressed, judged, confused, lied about, unfairly treated, and made to feel inadequate and unworthy. Then God stepped in and made me confident, respected, influential, positive motivator, fighter for the forgotten, voice for the mistreated, and a blessing on earth. I know all these things about myself but what I didn’t know is that all these gifts were for my husband. The one who loves me beyond measure as a human being can. What I couldn’t comprehend is the grit God has placed in me for Him was to be used to fight for my husband. The evil one does not want to let him go. The faith that God has built in me is to take my position as a wife to a man who will serve Him in magnificent ways!

Since the days I began to understand God’s glory, I always knew I would be a speaker for women and children who did not have a voice, more so cannot speak due to the pain that runs deep inside. And then last night a pastor called me “First Lady” which is a term used for a pastor’s wife in the church. Some may think it was a mistake and easily bypass it,  but not me, I think it was a prophetic word and all that I have gone through and am currently dealing with, came together in a simple phrase of “mistaken” identity. I laugh out loud because God is so marvelous and outstanding in all His ways. He brings the most undesirable people to the front line to be His soldier and represent Him. I think of Saul of Tarsus who became Paul the apostle, David the sheep herder who became God’s beloved and king, Gideon the fearful, who God used to defeat the Midianites and Jonah the runner who had a prophetic word to deliver for God. There are so many others who have served God in great ways in their lifetime even if only for a moment, we all live and breath for God’s glory.

The late nights concerned with my husband’s well being, praying over him and for him. His independence that I know is important to him and will not be compromised. The voice of reason, with an inept ability to analyze and make a good decision under pressure. He can rationalize without emotion, rooting for the underdog. The heart of a giver who is there in time of need. This is my husband. Who I see as a king for Christ. In the army of servants, a slave to our Lord and Savior! He just doesn’t know it yet.

The message last night was intentional from God through this pastor because He knows how to energize me! When all hope is lost, here comes God! I prayed yesterday morning and God did not waste any time responding. I am blessed in so many ways walking in the fullness of Him who stands with me, provides and covers me, my Lord! He has told me countless times to stand strong and be of good courage. Those words resonate in my spirit, from Moses to Daniel, and to the church in Galatia, I should not become weary in doing good. Praise you Lord for insight. I worship you forevermore.

I am the righteousness of Jesus and I honor you. Thank you for your love Lord!

Nothing in the world,

gives me more pleasure,

than knowing I have you…

Your intensity mystifies me, leaves me speechless.

Your laughter and bigheartedness bring me delight.

I admire your calm, steady approach, and

 there isn’t anything that I’ve seen you can’t handle.

You are my ying,

my double popped ping,

the treble clef to my notes,

and the voice to my instrument!

We are one, I am in love!

Thank you for your patience, your kindness too,

I am grateful for your being that holds me true.

The appointed time continues as the present comes into view.

Happy to have you by me, holding me near,

for the storms have come and my vision wasn’t always clear.

We are blessed with all the years of hardship and indifference,

in choosing to endure,

for this race is for the strong of heart, who have battled for a cure.

With words, we’ve given up more times than not,

yet in actions, to the contrary, we boldly stayed in this spot.

You see, there were things we had to learn about each other, as marriage will often find,

Those teachings you only gain from the experience of time.

Selflessness, sacrifice, compromise were priceless to us,

Yet, forgiveness saved us and shines bright like a jewel.

All the knowledge in the world won’t apply to the gains I have today,

a fortified understanding of what love means was my truth underway.

The journey of realization that came from above,

Remembering in the first place, eternal, in the way that we love.

To place someone above me,

Cherish, adore and support them was the key!

Today I know love because of this lesson,

in all things give,

For from it come the fruits of joy and a life well lived!

You are my husband, 

You are my friend,

You are the king of our home!

You are,

My love.

Her Greatness,

…she has always known it to be her truth…

To know her is to love her!

Her presence is my gift,

For she is true in her words not giving pleasure to fowl or undoing,

She is confident in mind and being. A heart for God! 

She PRAISES!

He is planted in her spirit,

Now knowing His promise is perfect and genuine,

She is fierce, courageous and determined in Him!

The daughter of honor, seeking Him first, makes her all the more beautiful.

Her past was her sustenance, filled with gaps and grit,

The vast measurement of her worth no longer split.

Today she is born again, transformed & made new. Her height in Him endless,

The beginning of a life filled with continual caresses.

Her Greatness,

All for His glory!

Her long existed surrealism, is now a reality,

Skipping beats in her heart confirm this is really happening.

She can see clearly now, a sense of a brighter horizon,

Hues of a love she always knew, accepting and grateful.

She is love, made by love with brilliance. 

And as I see her, He allows me to add water to her petals, unfolding in the enlightening of His truth.  

She knows no bounds in Him, for she is greatness!  

 

Thunderous and mighty!

Substance and strength!

Deliverance and triumph!

A journey of evolution and discovery!

I am grateful for the blood.

The blood covers me from the wiles of the evil one.

My sword the Word,

My faith shield, grows stronger with each victory of test and trial,

My belt of truth, girding me up in times of uncertainty,

My sandals of peace, fruits of the spirit, walking daily,

My helmet of salvation, the belief of knowing everlasting life, 

And my breastplate of righteousness that protects my heart.

Jesus!

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Your ways are not like my ways,

You enchant me!

Fascinating Spirit of the living God!

Trusted friend and companion who guides me!

I believe in you,

Authentic, pure and powerful,

You don’t leave me or abandon me.

You are beauty and you are wonder,

You are amazing!

Hope, faith and love,

The greatest of the these is you who are love!

You give me peace and I find myself in awe of you. From the smallest details,you show me that you are in control. You amaze me with how much you hear and answer my prayers. I often smile when I think about all the ways that you set things up.

My mind cannot capture all of you so I no longer try. I feel a glow on me. The path you have me on is one where I am coming into the knowledge of my being. The very reason you created me. I am ministering like never before. I find myself praying consistently about all things and the love I have in my heart for you is beyond words.

The horizon looks bright and I am learning to trust the process. The changes occurring within me are necessary. The more you unveil to me the more serious I get in this journey with you. I questioned a lot of things but not anymore. For I know that the plans you have for me are all good. I am elated! I no longer focus on what is happening, but more so, on what you have me to do if anything. I now keep my eyes on you.

Shekanai glory! Ruach a’Kodesh! The Holy Spirit that captivates me!

Where I was, it was no good. While I sought you it wasn’t enough. You want it all and Lord you will have your way! Growing in spirit, this is where you have me. I am grateful for your grace and mercy Father.

The measuring stick to good leadership is wisdom. Mine comes from the truth as told to me by my Heavenly Father. I learn everyday!

Lord, thank you for choosing me to be a leader for you. I want to honor you! I love you Lord, you light up my life. You bless me over and over. You forgive me everyday. You know me like no other. You tell me to come to you and I do, everyday I come to you Lord. Asking for another chance, forgiveness for my tongue Lord. You continue to teach me Lord. Although I am a work in progress for all the days of my life, you pour into me and use me. Without you I am nothing. Everything I have is yours. My spirit, soul and body are yours.

Thank you for my life, my faith and my courage.

Amen!

The tide is changing and the water is rushing in. 

I can’t seem to catch my breath!

While I am fearful, I am also exhilarated by the energy I feel.

The excitement fills me as I vigorously swim,

 I soon realize that I am now being carried by the very thing I feared.

A split moment of fear could be a lifetime of regret. 

I make it to shore and rise out of the water.

 Today I no longer exist for now I am living!